You gotta put the past behind ya...

To whom it may concern-

Typically, I am a very opinionated person with STRONG outlooks on different matters. Such is still true today, but I am finding the beauty in the new and unknown. I am letting myself have new and exciting (sometimes not so exciting) experiences and I am learning a vast amount about myself.

The most interesting part about all of this is that I wouldn't be where I am without a certain decision that was made... To move to New York. That's where all this began. Without the shift in focus and friend groups (with my constants there for sure) I wouldn't be the person I am today, and I like her A LOT. Often times people are searching for who they are down a specific path with specific people and a specific goal in mind. And... I have all of those things, but I am not afraid to stray from the path to explore other opportunities.

I know who I am, but I am still finding myself.

Let's all try something new tomorrow!

-Sydney the Destroyer

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You're Back From Outer Space...

To whom it may concern-

I am back you guys... finally. I know, no one missed me. It's cool. I have thoughts.

I think that a couple of my friends would agree that I am a netflix-a-holic. I spend most of my time holed up in solitary confinement with my trusty laptop and snacks binge watching some 90's television show or worse... My biggest pet peeve is not watching shows in order... how can you people do that? I finally watched X-Files in order... and here we go. It's not every day that you get hooked on a show so old that the special effects makeup looks like a drunk 8 year old did them. No. Those days are reserved for days like today, obviously. There's something to be said about a moment when the "monster" or "alien" is revealed in a scene and it makes you audibly gasp at how grotesque the makeup is. They just don't look real. But they aren't CGI either. Which makes me so happy. Then we can take a look back at the Star Trek (Original Series... duh ya know, with Shatner and Nimoy) and we can say the exact same thing. The ALIENS don't look real, but at that time, that's not what the audiences wanted. They wanted chilling stories and actors that were pretty and weren't quite sure how big to be for the cameras in such intimate settings. They wanted a story and a resolution and something to make them experience some type of feeling.

The reason that these shows hold such near and dear places in my heart is because there's a POSSIBILITY that aliens could exist. Now, I don't want you to think that I've lost my mind (lest I located it in the first place) saying that aliens could be real. There is evidence out there proving both points. I have none of it. This is purely my opinion. But, why would we continue to watch a show with such clear viewpoints (I know that Star Trek is set in the future... but that could be our ACTUAL future. You never know. I've always wanted to go to space.) on the situation when we have no desire to pursue such viewpoints. There's nothing wrong with a little curiosity... But that's no reason to QUIT YOUR DAY JOB... looking at you, Tom DeLonge.

Okay, this post took an odd turn. So, in conclusion, love each other. Mind your business. Keep it together. Bless up. Always wear a helmet.

-Sydney the Destroyer

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Dear Stress, No Thanks...

To whom it may concern-

It has come to my recent attention that the amount of curveballs life throws us is NOT in ANY WAY relative to how many curveballs we as people can handle. Everything happens for a reason. Obviously. But that reason is based on circumstance. If one is presented with a choice and they choose a path, then obviously that person could not know the outcome if they chose the other option. So, therefore that choice is a product of circumstance and the proceedings of the choice are now and will forever be the circumstances of the decision.

What do you do with your time? What do you do with your money? Will you ever be good enough? Why are you even trying? Are these the kinds of questions that a normal person should ask themselves everyday? Would asking these questions and answering them internally everyday be harmful or helpful to a normal person? It is said that one should not compare themselves to their neighbors in order to achieve fulfillment and happiness. But, what if you're not motivated to move forward in your life and you become stagnant and you look over and your neighbor has all of a sudden has reinvented their life and they have a nice place to live and a kitty and a corgi and they're happy and they have a nice job and they don't have to worry about making rent and that lights a fire under your ass to step up your game? One shouldn't dislike the person for having everything that you want to have in life. You just want those things. It has nothing to do with the person. It's selfish. Sometimes your decisions in life have to be selfish.

Being selfish doesn't always mean that you selfishly choose whatever YOU want to do whenever. You can selfishly choose to make someone else happy because that's what will ultimately make you happy. You can selfishly choose to make others feel good about themselves because that's what makes you feel good. Being selfish isn't always a bad thing. But, being selfish because you feel like you "have" to in order to further your career and sacrificing your personal life is not a wise decision. At the end of the day, what should make you happiest are the people you're surrounded by. Not by how much you liked your job. There should always be a balance. But, what will you have to give up to find that balance?

-Sydney the Destroyer

Selfish

To whom it may concern-

My parents did not raise me to be selfish and I am forever grateful. I constantly want to put the needs of others before myself and I want everyone to be successful, so I make decisions that make everyone happy or that are the most economic for all people that are involved. But I am at the point in my life where I can be selfish and make decisions that are the best for me and no one else. I can make the decision to move wherever I want without it taking a toll on almost anyone else. This is my decision. I have been waiting for a while to make these decisions because I was scared. Like anyone in this world can get when altering their entire life... but what does that matter? When I was little, I used to be scared of the dark, but I overcame that and I will overcome this. Being scared isn't a sign that things will go badly... being scared is a sign that there could be failure, but you just have to work through it. In our dressing room the other day we were talking about the rejection that we have to deal with every day in our field... too short... too fat... too brunette... too tall... all of these things that really have nothing to do with who we are as people but that we have to all deal with every day and as performers we are conditioned to accept rejection and welcome criticism. We are also professional auditioners that will be in any audition we can get our butts into. Some people don't agree with me when I say audition for everything, but I really say that. (I mean I wouldn't audition for a man but you know what I mean) The worst they can say is no. And then what? You're back where you started. The more that we try the more chances we have to succeed. That's why the change from Chicago to New York. That's why I want to move at all. There's no way that I would be able to go straight out of college and I am forever grateful for all the opportunity and experiences that I have gained, but respectfully... I have to get the fuck out. Now, that doesn't mean that I don't want to come back... because I most definitely want to work with all of you again, but I need to be selfish and take a chance on myself and believe in myself. Because if I don't believe in myself, no one else will either. For all of you on the fence, I will let you know how my first few months go and then we can chat about life decisions. :P I will see you all on the other side.

-Sydney the Destroyer

Fish for breakfast

To whom it may concern-

Someone in the office brought fish for breakfast... They should be assassinated. This office is small and confined and now you're forcing the entire staff to smell your poor breakfast decisions. This isn't your house. This isn't a bunch of people that will love you unconditionally despite your questionable meal choices. This is the work place. We aren't your friends. I am sure there's more than one of us plotting your demise in some twisted way. Maybe you will be hit today... maybe not till next week, but I am bringing tuna for lunch tomorrow and I am going to sit on the floor by your desk to eat it. Now, I am no breakfast Nazi. I love pizza and other lunch and dinnertime favorites for breakfast but FISH... in the OFFICE? That's just tacky. And I know for a fact you've been a meal offender with your toaster strudels for lunch. That's right. Toaster strudels. Like with the icing packets. I've seen you. We don't even have a toaster here. Are you just microwaving them?! Because if that's the case, it's barbaric and wrong on so many levels. THEY'RE TOASTER STRUDELS. Not MICROWAVE strudels. Ugh. I digress. So, as you sit there eating your fish with your smug face... remember, when something happens to break the atmosphere in the office, alliances form, friendships crumble, and you don't eat fucking fish in a cubicle at any time of the day... especially breakfast.

-Sydney the destroyer

P.S. They're noticing my very apparent disgusted glances and are starting to look guilty.

Moving Into A New Mindspace

To whom it may concern-

Sometimes one needs to move to a new frame of mind to free themselves from the confines of their past beliefs. Sometimes things change and people need to be given an out of some situations. I need that grace. I am currently re-vamping my life and moving to New York instead of Chicago as of a month ago. I have decided that the needs of my professional and personal life more align with this gigantic city that never sleeps instead of the gigantic freezing city of comedians. And, paths may realign someday and I might end up in the city of Chicago... but right now, this is the path that I choose. Please don't judge me too harshly. I am a very opinionated person that sticks to their ideas, but when a better idea comes along, I just have to acknowledge it AS the better idea. The idea was completely solidified when I received a notice to audition for a dream musical in the city, but there was no way that I was going to be able to get there in such short notice. That was the moment I knew that the city was where I had to be. Now, yes, as of right now Scott is planning to come with me in a year or so, but he's living in Austin right now furthering his career. Which is great! So, when I get to the city, please give me a hug and let's go get coffee! But, until then, I am broke. So please don't ask me to do anything that's going to cost a lot of money. I am pretending that I don't have any money in my bank account in order to make things a whole lot easier. Also, if you guys have some free stuff that you want to give away to me, PLEASE, I will take it. Whatever it is. Furniture, household items, love, etc. I will take it all. (Except animals which I desperately want but can't take)


-Sydney the Destroyer

P.S. Now, if contracts (theatre work) keep me here for a while, I will be so happy and be working and I will be in town for a while, but if they don't then come see me in the city!

I will fight you... I mean for you...

To whom it may concern-

I want to do so much in my lifetime that actually picking one thing to do is daunting. I love being a performer and I want to cover every aspect of the performing arts world, but life is short and opportunities are very slim where I am geographically at the moment... So, I must move. But, that's also quite daunting because moving is scary. Uprooting your life is scary. Going to a new place and basically starting over is fucking scary. But here we are. The worst things in life are the unknowns. They can be exciting for some people, but for me, they're downright terrifying. I like to have at least one constant in my life (people wise) that's not a family member and when you're moving, it's hard to keep that constant. Especially when they don't know if they're going to go with you. So the great unknown limbo bullshit continues where you wonder if you're being selfish or if you think that you're just being a little bitch baby. Keep the complicated situations away from me. I don't do well with complicated. Love is the worst best thing that's ever happened to me. And words are hard. #complicated

- Sydney the Destroyer