Fish for breakfast

To whom it may concern-

Someone in the office brought fish for breakfast... They should be assassinated. This office is small and confined and now you're forcing the entire staff to smell your poor breakfast decisions. This isn't your house. This isn't a bunch of people that will love you unconditionally despite your questionable meal choices. This is the work place. We aren't your friends. I am sure there's more than one of us plotting your demise in some twisted way. Maybe you will be hit today... maybe not till next week, but I am bringing tuna for lunch tomorrow and I am going to sit on the floor by your desk to eat it. Now, I am no breakfast Nazi. I love pizza and other lunch and dinnertime favorites for breakfast but FISH... in the OFFICE? That's just tacky. And I know for a fact you've been a meal offender with your toaster strudels for lunch. That's right. Toaster strudels. Like with the icing packets. I've seen you. We don't even have a toaster here. Are you just microwaving them?! Because if that's the case, it's barbaric and wrong on so many levels. THEY'RE TOASTER STRUDELS. Not MICROWAVE strudels. Ugh. I digress. So, as you sit there eating your fish with your smug face... remember, when something happens to break the atmosphere in the office, alliances form, friendships crumble, and you don't eat fucking fish in a cubicle at any time of the day... especially breakfast.

-Sydney the destroyer

P.S. They're noticing my very apparent disgusted glances and are starting to look guilty.